After the appointment with my plastic surgeon, there was about an hour before the meeting with the tumor board, so hubs and I decided to grab lunch in the hospital cafeteria.
It’s the first time since surgery I’d been really up and about.
I’ve walked around the house, even managed up and down the stairs. But our hospital is a very large building, and getting from A to B there is one heck of a hike. So by now, I was really feeling it.
Luckily I had decided to throw my pain meds in my bag on the way out the door, and I was glad I had.
I didn’t want to be too loopy when I faced the doc’s, so I decided to take a quarter tab, just enough to take the edge off the pain I was feeling. It worked a treat.
By the time we made it back to the waiting room, the meds had started kicking in. A good thing, because I found myself unable to sit still, and was doing laps from the sitting area to the window and back. Seems that I was full of nervous energy that needed to be walked off.
I didn’t actually feel nervous, more excited then anything. I couldn’t wait to get the ‘all clear’, I was absolutely certain that’s the news we were getting, and I could hardly wait to hear it!
Those few minutes waiting to be taken back to the consult room seemed an eternity.
But we were eventually taken back where we waited, impatiently, for the whole thing to start.
We knew the first person we would see would be the surgical oncologist.
And in he came, all smiles and ‘how are you’s?”
He examined me, asked a ton of questions on how my week had been.
He informed us how please he was with my progress.
Then came the sinker….the pathology results weren’t back!
‘Are you kidding me?’ was about all I could say.
He shook his head, gave his genuine apologies, and explained that with the New year holidays etc, he hadn’t, in all fairness, given them long enough to prepare their report.
At that moment, I didn’t care much for excuses.
I didn’t care there had been a holiday. I’d spent the New Year recovering from surgery, why couldn’t someone have spent their New Year doing the biopsy of my nasty cancerous breast tissue.
It wasn’t fair. I was pissed. I’d spent all week looking forward to this moment, to finally knowing what was really going on inside my body, no more speculations, no more uncertainties…the cold hard honest truth.
And the pathology results weren’t back yet!?!
I lost it! I bawled!
The surgeon asked me ‘what seems to have upset you?’
Was he serious?
I couldn’t answer him.
Luckily hubby could, and did. And he told it as it was.
I love that guy!
I was assured I would have the results by Wednesday.
I’ve been assured of things before. I’ve learned not to hold my breath.
As the tumor board is a multi disciplinary group, I was expected to meet with the other specialists.
I was still numb when the surgeon left the room and was trying hard to get my thoughts in order when the psychologist came in to meet with us.
She was easy to talk to, and I explained how we was feeling right then.
I also explained why I was now refusing to meet with the radiation and medical oncologists.
I didn’t see the point.
I mean, I haven’t been diagnosed with invasive cancer. I quite possibly, and more than likely, am now cancer free. And until we know differently, I am not prepared or willing to hear the proposed treatments and side effects from something I may, or may not ever have.
In the end, it was agreed we would all wait until the results were in, and then go from there.
Apparently now, I am to wait for a phone call, and if I don’t hear by Wednesday, I’m to call them.
Wait…is not in my vocabulary! 😦